Who the @#(% invented pantyhose!?! I don't know but I can sure as hell guarantee it was a man. No decent woman in her right mind would subject other women to the torture of trying to put these blasted things on!! A torture I endured this morning.

As I stood looking at my clothes this morning I decided, "Hey, why not wear a skirt?" I haven't worn one in ages and after digging one out of the closet that I had completely forgotten existed, I was pretty excited to add this piece back to my wardrobe. Usually, I wear black tights with my long black skirts and boots but this time I was out of luck. I'd just thrown one pair out because of a big hole behind the knee and the other pair were in the wash. No problem. Luckily I had pantyhose. Or at least, I thought I was lucky. When I got them up about mid-calf I was already cursing them out.

I felt like with each pull my legs were being stuffed into sausage casings! Each attempt at pulling them up was more and more difficult. No turning back though. I was not going out with nothing on my legs. First off, I hadn't shaved in over a week and second off, I felt naked without something covering them. There was no turning back.

I tugged and I pulled and I huffed and I puffed and I grumbled and after what felt like 10 minutes, I had them almost pulled on. All that was left was to "readjust" and pull up the panty part. Not seconds after this monumental accomplishment did I hear that dreaded sound. The quiet sound that makes your heart sink. The sound that indicates you've just put a rip in the hose. Sure enough, a rip stretched from the top of my leg, past my knee and about 1/2 way down my calf. Flippin' figures!

I thought about it for a moment and came to the decision there was no way in hell I was taking these things off after all that work. There was no way I was giving up after my long struggle. I was wearing them and that was it.! I did what lots of women in my situation do. I pulled out the nailpolish and McGyvered them!

You can be sure that when I get home I'm taking them off and searching for the man that invented these blasted things so I can strangle him with them. Oh, and I'm buying more tights too!